I can't tell you how many times I have heard people say they have tried meditating and feel like they failed, so they gave up and I was even one of them. Until I learned how to meditate properly, I was under the misconception that to meditate you need to have your mind completely silent with no thoughts for hours on end. As you are likely not a monk and someone that has a lot going on in your life, the thought of switching your brain off feels impossible. Lets change that perception right now as meditation is not about stopping your thoughts, but it's about acknowledging them, observing them without judgement and then letting them move on. The busier your thoughts get and the faster life starts happening around you, the more you actually need meditation because your busy life is likely causing you to not be getting enough sleep, increasing stress levels, impatience, exhaustion and many other disruptions in your life. There are so many benefits to meditation, including mindfulness, stress management, rejuvenation of the mind and body, increased self awareness and boosts in confidence, reduced negative automatic thoughts, increased patience and creativity, increased awareness of your intuition (the list could go on) and overall it increases productivity and achievement of your goals and tasks. So it is worth trying meditation without the pressure of feeling like you are failing at it. Follow the simple tips below and you will be practicing meditation in no time!
Start With Mindfulness
A great way to start your meditation is with a mindfulness practice. This can be done through observing all of your senses and only takes a minute or two. Close your eyes and observe each sense; can you hear any noises? Keenly focus in on them for a few seconds and listen for the loudest, then the softest noise. Then move to what you can feel, is anything touching your body or can you feel any sensations in your body? Focus on those for a few seconds. Next observe any smells and focus on those. Then move to what you can taste, is it something you ate or drank recently or maybe the taste of toothpaste. Lastly move to what you can see behind your eye lids, can you see color or light or is it just black or maybe you think in pictures and can see shapes or have a visual in your minds eye? Observe this for a few seconds. Do this leading into each meditation session to build a practice of mindfulness. You can even do this on its own during a busy day if you just need a few minutes downtime or if you can feel any stress or anxiety building quickly. This will help give your brain a break from the constant churn of the day and help you focus when you resume your tasks again.
Pick A Short Word To Focus On
Sometimes its easier to focus if we have something aside from just the breath to focus on. Select a short word that ideally makes you feel good. It doesn't need to be 'ohmmm' and you don't need to chant it aloud , unless of course you really want to! But find a one or two syllable word like 'two' or 'patience' or 'zen' or whatever word you want, again without putting pressure on yourself to come up with the perfect word (because it really doesn't matter what the word is). Stick to the same word each time though and don't keep changing the word. You can use this word as an anchor to bring yourself back as your mind wanders during your meditation.
Focus On The Breath
Now it's time to get into the meditation part. Close your eyes and focus on the breath. If you haven't spent any time focusing on your breath previously, try doing a few breath exercises to start with, a simple one is breathe in for a count of four, hold for a count of four and breath out for a count of four. Do this a few times (and you can also use this to ground yourself during a busy day). Remember your word and as you breathe in, say your word in your mind over and over again. You don't need to match it to your breath, but I have personally found it helpful to do that i.e. if its a one syllable word it think it on my breath in, then again on my breath out. If it's a two syllable word, then I think one syllable as I breathe in and the second syllable as I breathe out.
Recognize Thoughts Are Normal
You will have thoughts during your meditation and probably quite a lot of them and you may not even notice for a while. Once you recognize your mind is thinking, label your thought as just that 'a thought' without scolding or judging yourself and then go back to focusing on the breath and your word. This may happen over and over where you keep catching yourself thinking, but this is completely normal. The important part is catching it, letting the thought finish and then going back to your word and focusing on the breath. Even people who have been meditating for years still have thoughts that pop into their head. Some days might be worse than others, but it never means you are failing or not doing it correctly. The meditation is still working and you will notice a difference over time.
You Don't Need Hours
The last tip and probably the most important - you do not need to meditate for hours on end to get the benefit. You can start with just a 5 minute session and work your way up to 15 minutes, which I personally find ideal for me. But try different times and see what works best for you, it could be 10 minutes or 20 minutes as to what feels the best or it could even be different each day. Initially set a soft alarm if you are worried about the time. A soft alarm means something less intrusive than a blaring noise beeping at you pulling you out of your meditation and putting you right back into stress mode. After a while, you will find you probably don't even need an alarm as your intuition will guide you as to what the right amount of time is for you.
Next Steps
Overall don't expect that you will nail your meditation practice and it will be perfect every time. You will have some days that are better than others, but notice how your inner and outer world is changing. Would you prefer to get better at meditation or better at life overall? Hopefully your answer is life. Just keep practicing regardless of whether you think you are doing it right and over time, you will notice a difference in yourself and how you are reacting to the world around you.
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